Final Thoughts Before AMW Part 1 of 2: Feelings in the Brain

I always knew that I would be writing down this particular blog post the weekend before the release of my book.  I just can’t believe that weekend has arrived.

I have three days left before A Moment’s Worth is released to the world.

It’s funny when I look throughout the course of the past week.  It seems that when I wasn’t preoccupying myself with school, my internship or just preparations for my book’s launch, I compensated for the time to spare by getting lost in the words of other authors.  At the beginning of the week, I read the first novel of the newly published indie author, Sarah Dayan.  Her book, Greater Than the Still, transported me to life in the Big Apple, and how one individual can affect the lives of many, over the course of one day.  It’s funny when I look at that book and the path the author is on now.  Not only do we seem to be drawn to stories about interconnectivity, but we also share a connection in the matters of both at the beginning of forging paths as craftspeople of the written word.

As for the past 18 hours (with breaks and nightfall in between), I have managed to get through a majority of the latest book by the very known, traditionally published author Chris Colfer.  His fairytale series has served as a mechanism of escape for me, in the matters of going on a reading experience, for the sake of rollicking adventure.  The Land of Stories: A Grimm Warning has kept me on edge at each page I read, and serves as a perfect reminder why authors should take the time to read fairytales when they can.  Despite our books being 100% different, I find a connection with this author as well.  Like me, he was born wanting to be a storyteller too.  On an eerie coincidental level, I’m the exact same age as him when he published his first book, two years ago.

People have read their books, and soon that will be the case with mine as well.  Already I have people having saved the download URL and a friend of my dad’s has been asking him when it will be coming out.  In fact, the other day, shortly after waking up one morning, I actually found out through a friend of mine first that my book became available for pre-order on Barnes & Noble.

So in other words, everyone around me is getting psyched.

It’s funny when I look over my groups of friends.  Those that I’ve met and made over the past four years know that I’m a writer, but for many of them, this will be the first time they will ever be reading any creative writing of mine.  As for the friends who’ve known me for the first 18 years of my life, they also know that I’m a writer, and they actually are familiar with having read some of my creative writing in the past.  But even still, A Moment’s Worth will be an experience, because this will be the first time where they will see how much my writing has evolved.

What are my thoughts and feelings about it?  It’s a mixture of sorts.  I feel numb and oblivious to it all, seeing that there are still things to do before Tuesday.  But I’m not lying when I say that ever since I downloaded the manuscript to Smashwords and seeing it on several platforms that I’ve also been feeling excited and nervous since then.  I’m excited because one of the biggest goals I’ve had set for myself my whole life is about to come true.  But I’m also nervous because, like any author before, I’ll be opening myself up to the eyes and critics of the world.  That’s a nerve-wracking thing to wrap my mind around.

On Tuesday, everyone in the sole summer course I’m enrolled in will be coming in with basically only the quiz we have to take that day on our minds.  For me, it’s that- and the fact that I’ll have a book out that morning!  I shall not remain oblivious to the fact that, that’s definitely not normal!

I have developed a pretty thick skin over the course of the past four years and have been able to handle criticisms a lot better as opposed to when I was younger.  However, I still cannot help but constantly wonder about the reception of my debut novel.  Will people like it?  Will they be able to understand it thoroughly?  Will they be able to find meaning in it?  I’m pretty sure authors before me have had similar thoughts before they released their debut novels- but I’m also pretty sure that not all of them were 22-years-old at the time either.

I along with 4,000 peers celebrated at my school’s commencement ceremony last month.  Now, it’s just me, and everything I’ve worked towards my entire life that are about to be put to the test.

No matter what I’m feeling, I’m not about to back down now.  The only way out is up.


3 thoughts on “Final Thoughts Before AMW Part 1 of 2: Feelings in the Brain

  1. Pingback: Final Thoughts Before AMW Part 2 of 2: Last Bits of Advice for Potential Readers | Lola By The Bay

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