It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post centered around my birthday, and with my birthday having just happened yesterday, I figured that I reflect on that. Now normally I try to avoid writing about myself unless it’s within context of the particular subject matter being addressed for the day, but with what is going on right now, I feel that now is a wise time.So let me first look at what’s going on currently: I’m slowly writing a third novel, I’m writing scripts for the next iteration of “The Geek Show,” I work small jobs and gigs from time to time, and I’m waiting to hear back this summer on a writing program I applied for. I’m keeping myself busy, and yet, I feel so very lost; like part of the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing. Maybe it’s part of a quarter-life crisis, but another part feels as if I’m not where I’m supposed to be.
The last time I wrote a blog post centered around my birthday, I was in a much more fulfilled state of mind. Now, that feeling of lacking has since returned, and it’s more prominent than ever. That might sound weird for someone who has written and published a second novel and has become a playwright since then, but that is unfortunately my truth. I feel like I should have done more in my life by now, and while that might sound like a lot for someone in their mid-20’s, those are the kind of expectations I put upon myself.
I’m not completely lost, for I do have goals set for myself. What makes me the most happy in life are opportunities to expand my bandwidth as a writer. I felt that when writing my second novel and I feel that every time I write for the stage. But I want to kick it up a notch. I want see my dreams of becoming a screenwriter realized. I want to collaborate with music artists and co-write songs with them. I want to dabble as a script doctor. I want to do everything possible with my writing abilities.
Some goals, if I can help it, I’ve been capable of accomplishing on my own. But then there are others where there has to be a person on the other side, in order for said goal to come to fruition. I’m just getting tired of waiting for a “yes,” especially when it constantly feels like time is slipping by.
This is obviously not the most happy of blog posts I’ve written, but it’s one that I needed to write. There is just so much I want to do in life, and as much as I try to do it all alone, I know that I need help. I just wonder who is genuinely open enough to giving it.
Another birthday has passed, and something needs to change.
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