When the Mind Lags

It goes without saying that the mind is a powerful tool for a writer. Everything word, every detail, every plot point — it all forms in the mind before it ever reaches anything resembling paper. It goes without saying then that when the mind refuses to cooperate with you, it can leave you in a bit of a pickle.

And while I could just as easily be talking about writer’s block, that’s actually not what I’m referring to in this case. I’m actually talking about when your mental health is preventing you from not just being your creative self, but from being yourself in general.

Yes, this is my way of revealing that I’ve been dealing with mental health issues, since the beginning of the year, actually. When you look at what I’ve been through, it makes sense. Like everyone else, I’ve been negatively bogged down by the pandemic — a point worth noting as we arrive on the three-year mark since the World Health Organization declared it as such. The stressors in this world — from the war in Ukraine to how the United States continues to go backwards in progress — has me on edge about the future. Then there is also my own future I constantly worry about on almost a daily basis now, as I face challenges that my parents have never had to deal with. To cap it all with the fact that I continue to grieve the loss of my grandmother just puts me to pieces.

I’m struggling along as I work to get a handle on my mental health. I’ve been trying out different medications to find one that not only works for me, but isn’t counterproductive with whichever side effects it has the potential to bring. I’ve also been trying to seek therapy and as anyone can attest to when navigating a similar journey of such, it’s been really hard to find someone, especially when you live in a country where the healthcare system just does not work.

I’m being real with my struggles, as I think it’s important to do so; to make a point to those who are also struggling that they are not alone. I hate feeling like this, and the fact that it’s even extensive enough to where I’ve been struggling to write just makes it all the more infuriating for me. As much as I want to push myself to get better, I’m also constantly reminding myself to take it easy, especially since I’ve never really dealt with anything like this before. Also, as someone who re-watched “Kiki’s Delivery Service” for the first time in a long while about a week ago, my hope is that it won’t be too long before the writing can flow out of me as naturally as Kiki’s magic once more.

The struggle with mental health is real. I’m aware of that, and now even more so, now that I am dealing with it myself. Let this be a message to those in a similar position to hang in there and find support from those who offer it. You’re never alone.

Mental health resources can be found here.

Cover Photo by Madison Inouye.


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